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Marmeladze · Gość

Drink To Friendship

A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," she spoke wisely. "I agree completely, ma'am," the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship." "That's a great idea, miss," the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?" "No, thanks," came the reply. "I'll just wait for the cops to get here."

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jamzizina · Gość

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking On The Job

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

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MrAseris · Gość

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch
and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honourable sir :

You leave house.
I watch house
He come to house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall off tree.
I not see.

No fee,
Chen Lee.

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aptastreve · Gość

I use to work as a mainframe operator at a telecommunications company. We were responsible for all software and hardware issues. I received a call from an Operator in our customer service group. She stated that the keyboard to her terminal did not work. I had her try the usual things (was the hold button on?). When none of my instructions cleared the problem, I told her I would be over with a new keyboard. When I got there, I reached behind the monitor and unplugged the keyboard. When I picked it up and brought it to my chest to pull the cord from behind the monitor, I felt something wet on my chest. When I looked down there was a large brown wet spot on my white dress shirt. When I looked at the operator, she shrugged and said 'I forgot to tell you that I dumped my coffee into my keyboard.

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DrTeslov · Gość

DOUBLE VODKA

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodka."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."

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aptastreve · Gość

I use to work as a mainframe operator at a telecommunications company. We were responsible for all software and hardware issues. I received a call from an Operator in our customer service group. She stated that the keyboard to her terminal did not work. I had her try the usual things (was the hold button on?). When none of my instructions cleared the problem, I told her I would be over with a new keyboard. When I got there, I reached behind the monitor and unplugged the keyboard. When I picked it up and brought it to my chest to pull the cord from behind the monitor, I felt something wet on my chest. When I looked down there was a large brown wet spot on my white dress shirt. When I looked at the operator, she shrugged and said 'I forgot to tell you that I dumped my coffee into my keyboard.

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PaintScren · Gość

Conservative Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of. A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his photograph, and signed, after her name, '(Horseface).' Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture autographed, 'To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens.' Some time later his secretary asked him, 'Did you get that letter from the woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which one she was.'

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FlowerNic · Gość

When interviewing many years ago for a secretarial post, a candidate arrived flustered and late and then explained at length that she had been having a difficult time in her relationship with her boyfriend but that that morning they had made up and she was late because... She then went on to explain (in more detail than I wanted to hear) that he was a wonderful lover and hadn't wanted to break up with him so the reconciliation was very important to her... more important than turning up on time. She wasn't hired.

More embarrassing than the interview was the reaction of the female colleague who was helping me with it. She laughed uproariously afterwards at my obvious discomfiture throughout the interview, and then proceeded to tell everyone else in the office!

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RezakSer · Gość

I run a fairly cable intensive home network, and I get grief from friends & partner for my neat cabling obsession. But once you've tripped over the wires running from your video card to your TV going for a piss at 4am, and chip a tooth when your mouth hits the arm of a chair on the way down, you get neat."

"I had a stupid boss once that after I had wired everything with color coded patch cables came through the server room and went nuts because he did not want different colored or lengths of cables. I had to redo it all with 6 foot blue cables. I left soon after.

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WinteWood · Gość

Someone I met in university was playing Capture The Flag on campus one night. He saw some girl on the other team, so he started running at her. She ran away, and he kept chasing her. Eventually, he cornered her, at which point she started screaming her lungs out. Apparently she wasn't part of the game."

"Ages ago, before I started university, I was wandering around in the twisty backstreets near my school dorm at about 10pm (just wandering, not really going anywhere). This young lady was walking in front of me for a while, when she suddenly broke into a run and disappeared down the street. I was all "Wtf?!?" until I realised that she must have been nervous about some foreigner following her for a couple of hundred meters...

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